A wash...

Last week was a wash.  I didn't work out at all, and I barely ate.  I also missed a couple events that were important to me.  I ended up catching an upper respiratory infection that kicked my booty.  I don't remember being that sick since I had my fourth bout of mastitis when my son was an infant. The joys of breastfeeding that no one ever mentions, because it is far too painful to speak of.  I digress.  

It's funny how when you're physically ill, it begins to take it toll on you mentally.  I ended up throwing myself a giant pity party last week.  No fun in the sun for me.  I was sad; I guess I am still a little sad.  I have 55 days left in my flab to fab challenge, and all I am feeling is flab.  It's not just the challenge though, it is a myriad of other things too.

My husband and I long ago moved away from our families.  I do realize that was our choice.  Our nearest relatives are in North Carolina and Tennessee, both an eight hour drive from here.  When I was sick last week, I didn't have anyone to call in as back up.  And I desperately needed back up.  All of our friends have jobs, and Terry is on loan to another division at work, so he can't take time off.  It all felt very unfair and lonely.

Lonely is a feeling I'm becoming far too familiar with these days.  I think that's a symptom of being a stay-at-home mom.  Brady's a joy, but his conversation skills are still developing.  I miss day-to-day interaction with adults.  I belong to groups, Brady and I go out and about daily, but it's not the same and I don't know how to fix it.  I love spending each day with my son and I wouldn't give up being a stay-at-home mom for anything.  I guess I just need to find a hobby before I drive my sweet husband crazy.    

By the way, I am not writing this for sympathy.  I know my life is blessed, and I really have nothing to complain about.  I am just writing it because sometimes writing makes me feel better.  It sort of heals my heart and helps me move past what's bothering me.  This too shall pass.      

It's been 10 months...

It's been 10 months since I started my flab to fab challenge.  10 months since I gave up gluten, dairy, and large amounts of sugar.  Although math is not my strong suit, I am pretty sure that means I only have two months left until my year is over.  Can you believe it?  I can't.  I am proud that I have made it this far with only a few deviations!  And on July 22, I intend to have a huge deviation and eat an entire pizza.  But, for right now I am going to keep my eyes on the pizza, er... I mean prize.    

Over the course of the next two months I plan to work as hard as I can to lose a bit more body fat.  I saw a photo of myself from this past weekend at the beach (in a swim suit), and I was not happy.  Instead of having a pity party about it, I am going to use it as motivation and hit the gym extra hard -- as soon as I kick this upper respiratory infection.  I thought at the end of this 12 months, I would be a muscular, fit, beast of a woman.  Turns out it is going to take a little more time, but that's fine by me.  At least I am on my way.

As far as my stats for this month are concerned, my weight loss has pretty much plateaued.  I knew that would happen and I am happy with where I am sitting right now.  I am still about 16 pounds under where I was when I started this challenge and 11 pounds under my pre-pregnancy weight.  Not to shabby as far as I am concerned.  Like I said, I have more body fat to lose, but I think that will come with time.    

Last weekend, my sister, mom, and I competed in the Turtle Crawl 5K.  My sister came in second place  in her age group and my mom came in fourth place in her age group.  I stayed with my mom the entire race and I am super proud of her for accepting the challenge and competing in her first 5K!  She was beaming as she crossed the finish line.  Next year, she and my sister are again going to compete in the 5K, and I think I am going to bite the bullet and train for the Turtle Crawl Sprint Triathlon that occurs at the same time as the 5K.  We'll see if I actually commit, it is a year away.

I am excited to see what happens in the next two months.

My sister's second place medal.

A little post race hydration.  Who doesn't drink beer at 9:00 am?  

74 days...

I have 74 days left in my Flab to Fab Challenge.  74 days to hit the gym hard and make sure I am eating correctly.  This year has flown by, and I can hardly believe I only have 74 days left.  When I started this challenge, I didn't think I'd make it past the first month, let alone this far.  I have to say I am happy with the results.  I had my husband check my body fat yesterday, and while I am going to keep the results a secret, I was happy with my progress.

I am going to take the next 74 days and do the best that I can to make the most of each day.  I am going to try to work out every other day, and eat as cleanly as possible.  There are a few challenges that lie ahead in the next 74 days, but I think I can manage.  As long as I can make it through my family visiting next week, it should be smooth sailing.  As an aside, I love my family, they just love to dine out and parade wonderful food from the best local restaurants in front of my tempted face.  Either way, I am going to do the best that I can.

Although I only have 74 days left, there is still work to be done, body fat to lose, muscle to gain.  This challenge won't really be over on July 21.  I think this is going to be a permanent lifestyle change, a change for the better. But, I am going to start that lifestyle change on July 23, after I wake up from my pizza, macaroni and cheese, and cookie induced coma.    

Anxiety

Yesterday was about the worst day I've had in recent months.  I woke up on the wrong side of the bed; my sweet boy woke up with an ear infection which led to a doctor's appointment which led to his ears being checked by the doctor AND by his medical student which led to two meltdowns which led to my t-shirt being used as a tear catcher/snot rag/napkin; a can of tuna fish exploded in my face (don't ask); I almost locked my keys in the car with my child inside; and my overall anxiety level was at about a 100 out of 10.

My anxiety level has been at a constant high in recent weeks.  You see, I have several friends going through tough times right now.  Divorce, separation, cancer, and overall life stress are what I have been coaching these ladies through.  I think I give too much of myself sometimes, almost like I have to take their burden as my own.  And by carrying their burden   -- and mine -- I can hardly breathe.  Yesterday all that I was carrying came crashing down.  I felt as close to a meltdown as I ever have, almost like the room was closing in on me.

I think through my flab to fab challenge, I have discovered that I am a stress eater.  Since I have cut most of my go-to stress eating foods out of my diet, I generally turn to exercise to relieve my stress.  Luckily for me (not), I took this week off from working out.  Since I didn't exercise yesterday, to cope with all of my stress and anxiety, I turned to food.  And I didn't turn to broccoli...

I turned to glorious, wonderful, sugar/dairy/gluten laden zebra cakes.  I had to go to Target last night to pick up my son's antibiotics and as I blazed through the aisles, I saw these glistening in the florescent lights. Without a second thought, I threw them in my basket and motored on.  I opened the box as I got into the car.  Four cakes later, I pulled into my driveway in a sugary haze.  I didn't stop there though.  After we administered Brady's medicine and got him to bed, I ate four more.  To save me from eating the last two -- at my request -- Terry threw them in the trash.  Thank goodness he stepped in, because if I'd eaten two more, I probably would've been sick.

Let this be a lesson... don't take a week off from working out when it is your sole means of stress relief.